Message by Counsellor Amoquandoh
“I charge you, O daughter of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up, awake my love until he pleases. S.O.S. Solomon 8:4.
The above scripture or verse makes us know that one can enter into a relationship at the wrong time as far as marriage is concern. Most young Christian brothers and sisters in secondary schools and university, enter into a relationship at the wrong time. For example, if you are in second cycle institution or level hundred student, you have almost (8-9) years to go through both secondary school as well as university, let us ask ourselves even as a born again Christian, can one court or date within the period of (8-9) year with intended lady without defilement, that is why the above scripture stand out. In Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, he stated that he who thinks that he stands must be careful lest he falls.
When to choose
It will be more beneficial for a Christian brother to begin to think about marriage seriously after he has started working for at least two years or more because it takes almost (1-4) years in Africa for a young graduate to settle or prepare or organize to get married.
Prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself in the field, and afterwards build thine house. –Proverbs 24:27
At least as a young man, desiring to set up a family life must:
- Make sure you are working or gainfully employed in a company.
- Earn a regular income, it may not be big enough, but each month brings something, then you qualify to get married.
- Be independent, that means you have a room to yourself either you build it yourself or rented it.
- Be mentally built up, means you make concrete decisions (Pro. 24:27) “Prepare thy work without, and make it for thyself in the field and afterwards build thine house”.
The most important factor to consider in choosing a marriage partner
- DIVORCE: it is important to consider if the partner to be is a divorcee.
- For how long was he or she married?
- For how long has he or she been divorced?
- What was the cause of the divorce?
- Do your homework by knowing the spiritual background of both of the divorce and the marriage itself so that you can deal with any spirit that might have caused the first divorce that could possibly affect your marriage as well.
- WIDOW OR WIDOWER: A widow or widower is someone who has either lost his wife or her husband. In this case, consider the level of commitment attached, this widowed person had to do with the dead spouse.
- Does he or she still talk about the late spouse, making reference to the special care and attention they used to receive from each other?
- Does he or she sometimes make unhealthy comparisons between you and the spouse?
- It is very crucial to consider everything if one is to have a fruitful and lasting relationship with a widow or widower.
- MARRYING SOMEONE WITH CHILDREN: If the partner you plan to marry has children from a previous marriage, then you need to consider the following:
- Are you ready to stand the challenges of the children not accepting you or respecting you as their parent?
- Can you handle the battle and challenge of stepchildren that can arise between you and their biological parent?
- SPIRIT OF AGREEMENT: Amos 3:3 says “Can two walk together except they agree.” There must be total and complete agreement between the two parties, an agreement is highly essential, in any form of relationship, because it has been said; it takes ten (10) years for two people as spouse to understand each other better due to different background, culture, education, environment, and sex.
- MENTAL AND SOULISH REALM OF THE PARTNER.
- Find out if the one to be; can think, contribute or can fill in during conversation or decision making.
- Because marriage is for matured people, maturity cannot be equated with age. One can be 22years old, and be much matured and well organized in his / her thought processes etc. The other way round, one can be 30years old but virtually, an overgrown baby.
- It is also not advisable for a graduate to marry a junior school leaver who has not been able to study or educate his or her self. The graduate has been trained to think objectively, to argue out issues to arrive at logical conclusions with this mental and intellectual capacity, such a union may always have misunderstanding and collisions. The less educated partner would often become sensitive, withdrawn and will have an inferiority complex.
- PERSONAL HABITS
- You must study the partner you are attracted to in the areas of character and habit, such as dressing mannerism, talking in both private and public. Chewing things and spitting around even on the street. Some of these habits can be disgraceful, therefore one needs to make a firm decision before accepting him or her for marriage.
- Do you have a similar interest in both spiritual things of GOD as well as physical?
- AGAPE LOVE/UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
- Many want to experience a good marriage but they don’t know that the only thing one might need in marriage is GOD’s kind of love which is unlimited, and Paul gave an exposition on it. 1Corinthians 13 – what love is all about.
- Besides that, one needs to find out whether he/she is really in love with the partner. Loving your partner means not looking down on each other, insulting or beatings but rather making every effort to make or treats one another as a king and queen.
- THE PEACE OF GOD
- One thing we must look out for, in choosing a life partner is GOD’s peace and assurance in our heart about the one you have seen.
- Do you feel uncomfortable about the person?
- Do you have restlessness in your spirit about your choice?
- Do you feel disturbed even though you have prayed about it, even with friends?
- Considering all these with three scriptures Romans 8:14, Isaiah 26:3.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:7
- BEWARE OF PROPHECIES / DREAMS ETC.
- By GOD’s grace I have been a Christian (born again) for almost 24years now; and I have also seen and heard some Christian brothers who told ladies that, I saw you in my dream holding a nice flower coming to me; by using this supposed to be GOD’s direction or voice to propose, often, such situation leads to marriage, but after a few years this same man tell the wife, you are a devil. It is not very apt to base your choice on someone’s prophecy.
- These can easily mislead when used in choosing partners.
- NOTE: Your partner can help make you or unmake you. Therefore you must be careful in making your choice. You need to ensure that you make the right choice as your whole life can be destroyed because of your mate.